To Be Continued

When you lose someone, and then try to look forward into your life, you start to see question marks and empty spaces. You had plans you made with that person, projects you started with that person, projects you started because of that person.

I started this blog because I was going to train with my first service dog, and I kept it going to describe life with a service dog. That turned out to be Prada, and the blog turned into a chronicle of my life with Prada, along with its other purposes. So now that she’s gone, do I keep writing?

The answer occurred to me before the question. I will keep writing this blog. I will keep writing about life as a legally blind person in the United States, about academic, professional, and personal experiences. I will keep writing about Prada, share the adventures we had in the gap years when I didn’t post. I will keep writing about service dog issues, legal and ethical questions, stories about other service dogs. I’m also going to write about training with and living with the next dog.

Yes, there will be a next dog, and probably a German shepherd, at that.

That answer also occurred to me before the question did. When I first visited The Seeing Eye before committing to training there I spent an afternoon working with a dog to see what it was like. That dog, incidentally, was Prada. Then I had to go back to using my cane that afternoon, and I knew that day that I never wanted to be a long-term cane user again. I was a dog user. I love Prada, and as they say in bad country music, the “first time” is unforgettable and special and changes you in ways you never expect. But just because I am grieving one love doesn’t mean I shouldn’t build another. I will never forget Prada. I will spend the next few weeks sorting through her things and claiming a few mementos to go with the plaster-of-Paris pawprint plaque like I have for my sheltie, lady. But Prada never saw any sense in sitting still; she was all about moving forward, so that’s what I’m doing.

Over the next few weeks I will write about my grieving process, and my husband’s grieving process. He’s never known me without Prada, and he considered her his “child” as much as mine. I will also write about the details of her decline, and the reapplication process. Please feel free to submit questions and comments, as usual, and please send me any pictures or videos you have of her. My sister is putting together a Prada photo album for me and I’m compiling some videos I have of her playing in various places that we lived and traveled. Thank you all for your prayers and condolences as we recover from this loss.